i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
