I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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