mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
