i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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