Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You've changed since you got that strap on
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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