so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
