im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
just found out that she named her cat after me.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
