Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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