I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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