so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
