Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
