hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
