she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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