woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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