I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
