Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
