We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
