She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Randomize
