You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
