you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
