I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
