and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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