It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i would punch a child for taco bell
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
