He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
