and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
