you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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