Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
