my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
And then the night went full on bisexual.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
