Don't make out with my wife yet
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
