This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
