I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
