Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
