so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
