if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
