Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
