i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
