Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
