On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
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