proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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