i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
