I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
