I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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