I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
