ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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