I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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