Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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