If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
