Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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