I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
