I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
