Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
