So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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