After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
