Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
