hell yes lets make some ravioli
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
