I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
