Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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