my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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