just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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