i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
