I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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