Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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