Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
