after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
