sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
