I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
