So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
