i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
