walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize