me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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