Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
