She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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