Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
