if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
dude. I can hear the air.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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