Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
