I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
