WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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