Plan B is the new Plan A
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
