Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
