My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
