I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
