We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
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