plz talk dirty to me
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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