We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
