she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize