i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
