she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
