Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
