I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
It's rum buckets o'clock
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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