oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
