She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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