You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm bleeding and have questions
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
