Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
