Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
