I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
