Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
