he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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