why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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