I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
