my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
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